Bejeebers

Quote of the day! From Sarah Palin’s former campaign manager, Laura Chase.

“I’m still proud of Sarah, but she scares the bejeebers out of me.”

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Republicans Know Stupid

The other day, Barack Obama said, “they must think you’re stupid”, referring to one of John McCain’s many blatantly false campaign ads. No Barack, the Republicans don’t just think the American people are stupid, they are quite sure that the American people are stupid. It really is the stupid, stupid. We have a two-term President who is clearly one of the dimmest human beings on the face of the planet. This is not a partisan opinion. Had Bush been born to any other family, he wouldn’t have made it to section manager at a Home Depot. He has been our President for eight years. We are a nation of stupid. Still not convinced?

Here are some lowlights from an article by Dan Hoyle on salon.com, called “What small-town America is saying about Obama“.

Cathy - “He’s just not someone I can personally relate to,” explained Cathy Massingale, 33, of Cullowhee, N.C., a Democrat who first supported John Edwards this election, and then Hillary Clinton. “Obama just doesn’t feel like someone who knows me.” Massingale’s husband is in the military, and she wants to see a withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq. But she said she remains undecided about Obama or McCain.

Louie - “‘Obama’s like Jesse Jackson — what does he know except a bunch of cities with lots of blacks?’

Mack - “Obama, he’s not our kind of people,” said Middleton in a gruff, bitten-off speaking style, taking a break from canning green beans at the couple’s double-wide mobile home. “He don’t believe in the hereafter, and the Lord, the way I look at it … he’s Muslim.”

Scott - 26, a former trucker currently unemployed, isn’t going to vote for Obama. “I know it sounds stupid,” he says taking a long drag from his Maverick cigarette, “but Barack Hussein Obama? And if he gets in, somebody’ll take him out real quick,” he said, referring to potential assassination, which was a surprisingly common theme along rural back roads.

Gary - “People around here see Obama as being privileged,” he said. Never mind McCain — with his seven houses — or recent blue blood candidates George W. Bush, John Kerry and Al Gore. “We know Obama’s plenty book-smart … but I liked Harry Truman, the last president to have a simple high school education.”

Now, which candidate wants to do away with the department of education? Compared to these people, Sarah Palin is highly qualified.

There’s plenty of stupid in big cities, but small-town stupid just seems … well … stupider. Republicans know stupid. That’s why they win. That’s why the rest of us are screwed.

Meanwhile in other news …

Survivors beg for help as Ike ravages Texas

Hurricane Ike messed with Texas. In the midst of a mandatory evacuation order and clear evidence of a killer Hurricane coming straight at them, many Texas residents stayed and had Hurricane parties. It’s so much harder to crawl into a National Guard rescue bucket when you are drunk.

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McCain/Bryant ‘08

John McCain shocked the world today when he announced that his Vice Presidential pick would be … Anita Bryant! I thought Bryant was dead, but it turns out that she moved to Alaska and is going by the name Sarah “the moose killer” Palin.

Bryant/Palin is an anti-gay, ex beauty queen and working mom who’s a real conservative Republican. We know she’s a real conservative Republican because she likes to shoot animals and she mispronounces the word nuclear. Yep, the same way George Bush mispronounces the word nuclear. Nook-U-Lur. She’s also a woman who believes that women can’t be trusted to make important decisions about their own bodies and the size of their families! Five kids? Wow. She’s a fertile Catholic and unlike McCain, she’s not going to die really, really soon and probably won’t tell many rape jokes. It’s a dream team which should set the women’s movement back a hundred years right after she debates Joe Biden. Thanks John.
A day without Sarah Palin is like a day without sunshine. Unless of course, you’re a moose.

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Why I Would (Still) Consider Sex With Joe Biden!

OBAMA/BIDEN ‘08! And now … a post from the past. November 16th, 2007. Go Joe!

Hillary was back on her game last night. She’s clearly smart, prepared, tough, well-rehearsed, competent and capable. I liked the tweed jacket and even wondered for a moment where she got it and how much it set her back. Good jacket. Like me, and unlike everyone else in the world, she has actually gotten better looking with age. She’s originally from Chicago, so I wish she would not try to sound Southern when speaking to groups in the South. More specifically, I wish she would not try to sound black southern when speaking to black groups in the South. It’s just awful, but I plan to send a note to her campaign office, so I’m sure it will stop. If she wins the Democratic nomination, I will happily support her.

Barack Obama seems like a great guy. Smart, thoughtful and inspiring (when not debating). I like his wife, Michelle. Good wife. Obama’s 40 Days of Faith Tour is upsetting on many levels, not the least of which is the “ex-gay”, Donnie McClurkin insanity. If he wins the Democratic nomination, I will support him and pray for better debate performances and an end to Faith based tours and Donnie McClurkin.

John Edwards is smart, progressive, right about campaign finance and health care, and unlike Hillary and me, cannot get better looking. Good genes. His wife Elizabeth should be running. She is clearly as smart as her husband but talks like a human, doesn’t do that weird thumb gesture when making a point and I’ve never heard her say “god bless you”, with her head tipped to one side like a dog, when talking to old people and soldiers. I wish Elizabeth Edwards were running for President, but I would support her husband.

As soon as you watch this video clip, I will talk about why I would consider having sex with Joe Biden.

Joe Biden is funny. Joe Biden says things like “listen man”, when talking to other candidates during a debate. Joe Biden went off on Rudy Giuliani which was the most entertaining and memorable thing I’ve ever seen in any political debate. I believed him when he said, “I’m looking forward to running against Rudy Giuliani”. Who wouldn’t look forward to that? It would be hilarious.

Joe Biden talks like a human and he doesn’t do the weird “thumbs up” hand gestures. He never seems rehearsed. He never says “god bless you” or tips his head like a dog. He never talks about his faith. Did I mention, he never talks about his faith? He smiles. He’s smart. He’s experienced. He’s roguishly handsome. He doesn’t walk with Jesus. Joe Biden has a sense of humor.

The down side? His health care initiative needs work and like all the other candidates, he needs some help on gay rights issues. I would consider having sex with Joe Biden and if that happens, I promise I will talk to him about health care and gay marriage.

True, I am a lesbian. True, I will probably never meet Joe Biden. True, Joe Biden is married to a smart and attractive woman. True, I am very happily involved with a smart and attractive woman. True, the sex might not be great, but it probably wouldn’t be bad. Here’s my point. Funny, smart and roguishly handsome just doesn’t come along very often, in either gender. Who am I to let sexual preference get in the way of what would clearly be a love match? As long as there is a plentiful supply of red wine and an electrical outlet, Joe Biden and I could make sweet love. Or at least, successful love (for me). For him the incentive would be that “lesbian fantasy” thing, plus I’m not really interested in sustained, monotonous, straight intercourse, which at his age (65), would have to be a relief.

So, while the rest of the country is deciding which Presidential candidate they would like to have a beer with, I can tell you that for me, there is only one candidate I would consider having sex with. Joe Biden. I’m sorry Hillary, but you’re just not funny.

Bill Richardson, Chris Dodd and Dennis Kucinich are also running for President.

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Jesse Helms is dead. Happy 4th of July!!

Jerry Falwell and Jesse Helms are dead. Two down, a few million more to go. And here I thought this was going to be a dull 4th of July. Growing up in North Carolina, I was forced to listen to that bigoted old gas bag from the time I could crawl. Helms is dead. Happy 4th of July!

And now … a samplin’ of Jesse’s greatest hits!

In 1993, when then-President Clinton sought confirmation for an openly homosexual assistant secretary at the Department of Housing and Urban Development, Helms registered his disgust. ‘I’m not going to put a lesbian in a position like that,’ he said in a newspaper interview at the time. ‘If you want to call me a bigot, fine.’

He defeated black former Charlotte Mayor Harvey Gantt in 1990 and 1996 in racially tinged campaigns. In the first race, a Helms commercial showed a white fist crumbling up a job application, these words underneath: “You needed that job … but they had to give it to a minority.”

As an aide to the 1950 Senate campaign of North Carolina Republican candidate Willis Smith, Helms reportedly helped create attack ads against Smith’s opponent, including one which read: “White people, wake up before it is too late. Do you want Negroes working beside you, your wife and your daughters, in your mills and factories? Frank Graham favors mingling of the races.” Another ad featured photographs Helms himself had doctored to illustrate the allegation that Graham’s wife had danced with a black man. (The News and Observer, 8/26/01; The New Republic, 6/19/95; The Observer, 5/5/96; Hard Right: The Rise of Jesse Helms, by Ernest B. Furgurson, Norton, 1986)

Over the years Helms has declared homosexuality “degenerate,” and homosexuals “weak, morally sick wretches.” (Newsweek, 12/5/94) In a tirade highlighting his routine opposition to AIDS research funding, Helms lashed out at the Kennedy-Hatch AIDS bill in 1988: “There is not one single case of AIDS in this country that cannot be traced in origin to sodomy.” (States News Service, 5/17/88)

Helms remonstrated ten female members of the House of Representatives to “act like ladies” when they interrupted a Senate Foreign Relations Committee hearing to demand support of a U.N. treaty against gender discrimination, and subsequently had them removed from the hearing by Capitol police. (St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 10/28/99)

And the man ABC News now describes as a “conservative icon” (8/22/01) in 1993 sang “Dixie” in an elevator to Carol Moseley-Braun, the first African-American woman elected to the Senate, bragging, “I’m going to make her cry. I’m going to sing Dixie until she cries.” (Chicago Sun-Times, 8/5/93)

More recently, when a caller to CNN’s Larry King Live show praised guest Jesse Helms for “everything you’ve done to help keep down the niggers,” Helms’ response was to salute the camera and say, “Well, thank you, I think.” (Wilmington Star-News, 9/16/95)

For more about this jowly, bloated, hateful old fuck … click here. Enjoy your independence day! We’re all just a little bit freer today! My condolences to his family for being his family.

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Speaking The Truth … Finally

Editorial

A Step Closer to Justice

Published: May 30, 2008

New Yorkers should be proud of Gov. David Paterson’s efforts to assure basic civil rights for same-sex couples married outside the state. Now, the State Legislature should prove its own commitment to equality and justice by granting gay couples the right to marry in New York State.

Mr. Paterson has directed state agencies to respond to a recent court ruling by reviewing more than 1,300 state policies that affect married people. He wants to ensure that New York fully recognizes all legal marriage licenses, including those granted to gay couples in places like Massachusetts, Canada, South Africa and soon, California.

If that sounds like mere paper shuffling in Albany, it is not. It means that New Yorkers who marry in San Francisco or Montreal can return home knowing that their rights will be protected. That is progress, especially since many states have specifically outlawed even the recognition of same-sex marriages granted legally elsewhere.

Despite the growing political outcry, Mr. Paterson is on firm legal, as well as moral, ground.

For more than a century, New York has recognized marriage contracts from other states — even if those couples could not legally marry in New York. New York does not grant licenses for common law marriages, but if such marriages are legal elsewhere, they are recognized in New York. In February, a New York State appeals court ruled unanimously that this “marriage recognition rule” also had to apply to any same-sex couple with a legal marriage license obtained elsewhere.

While most Democrats in Albany have pushed for legislation to legalize gay marriage, most Republicans have argued that it is enough to adjust state laws to make them more equitable for same-sex couples. These half-measures have not worked.

The New York City Bar Association and Empire State Pride Agenda last year identified more than 1,300 aspects of New York State law that either deny rights to gay couples or make their lives far more complicated.

There are cases of one partner being denied access to a mate’s hospital room. People who have spent their adult lives together without the benefit of a marriage license can be compelled to testify against each other. Benefits for survivors from workers’ compensation go only to a legally recognized spouse.

After one of the most vigorous and emotional floor debates in recent Albany history, the Democratic-controlled Assembly has passed a bill allowing same-sex couples to marry in New York. The Republican-controlled Senate has refused, so far, to act.

Governor Paterson has worked hard to promote comity in Albany — we fear at the cost of many essential reforms. He should use his influence with the Republican Senate leader, Joseph Bruno, to get the Assembly version of the marriage bill passed this year.

No matter their sexual orientation, New Yorkers should have the same fundamental right to marry. Governor Paterson has taken an important first step, but it is not enough. Now he needs to persuade the rest of Albany to do what is fair.

In other news … kittens.

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New Rule For Bill Maher

Note to Bill Maher … I love the scathing commentary on religion, but I fear that the tens of thousands of young girls who have been molested by priests over the years would not understand your “we’re here, we’re queer” reference. At least not in the gay sense of the word queer. Child molestation has nothing to do with being gay. It has to do with psychologically damaged people having access to children.

I know, I know, it’s much funnier to talk about priest on boy “buggery”. New rule Bill … get your facts straight correct. People who are systematically taught to deny their own sexual nature will eventually act out. They are emotionally and sexually stunted and will prey on children regardless of the sex of the child or their own sexual attractions. If alter boys are molested by priests more often than little Catholic girls, it’s because priests are more likely to have access to boys.

My ex-girlfriend told me many times about living in a convent school when she was young. The girls had to go to the bathroom at night in groups to avoid the priest who would wait under the stairwell. Nice. Buggery? Yes. Gay? Not hardly. Then again, that’s just not as funny.

The abuse doesn’t begin or end with priests and alter boys. It begins and ends with the insanity that is organized religion. Now that’s queer.

Survivors Network of Those Abused By Priests

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Crack House Manor

There will be no straight-friendly B and B. Sadly, we were outbid on that lovely property by someone who wants to chop up the old mansion and turn it into a hostile of some sort. Is this a great country or what? Oh well, you can always buy something else. You can change your plans and take on something no one else wants … like two disheveled apartment buildings in a “bad” part of town. And so it is that I am about to set out on a new adventure.

After a long, cold, dreary winter, one in which I managed to gain back a frightening amount of the weight I had lost two years ago, I’ve decided to pry myself out of my ergonomic office chair and actually do something. My fun and hot sex companion and I, along with our adorable gay-friendly handy-boy Pete, have purchased two wildly unattractive and unimaginably disgusting apartment buildings in a “bad” part of town and will start renovating them within the week.

Here’s what we bought in lieu of the beautiful mansion with five acres and a pond …

A fourplex which was abandoned and used as a crack house. An adjoining duplex with god-awful shingle siding and a porch falling in off the back. The fourplex is home to a dozen or so feral cats and has a broken sewer main. That’s what’s good about the fourplex. The duplex has an odd “spinster” tenant who isn’t sure how she feels about change. The fourplex smells like a crack house with a broken sewer main. The duplex smells like a spinster tenant. This is going to be great.

Over the next few months we will be gutting and rebuilding the fourplex, starting with the sewer main. If we can catch any of the cats, we will take them to be spayed and neutered. The crack heads are on their own.

And so the renovation journey begins. I will post on our progress as we go and come back from time to time just to make fun of the Church ladies or the next political sex scandal. That you can count on. It has been my experience that whenever I stop finding churchy people funny, I need to get outside and do some work. Off I go.

Just so you know, the “bad” part of town is only bad because nothing good is going on there. That’s all about to change. Having lived in Washington Heights during the 1980’s, nothing scares me.

Ahhh … spring! Lest you think that there really is nothing good about the property we bought, I should tell you that it comes with a huge lot, which will be turned into a community fruit and vegetable garden. There is beautiful brick underneath the awful shingles on the duplex. The new apartments will be lovely and energy efficient and affordable. We found a dozen bikes in the basement of the duplex and are planning to offer them to the neighborhood for a “need a bike” program. The neighbors seem to be very excited with our plans and we are hiring a local work crew. The cats are a wait and see.

It’s spring and I’m feeling optimistic again.

Just for fun …

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A Joint Ticket At Last

In November, I will vote for a democrat. Until then, I’m just looking for a laugh.

Humorous. Not Sarah Silverman humorous, but humorous.

Of course, nothing is as good as the original. Or is it?

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This Week In Gay Science

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